I realize I’m four months late, if my goal was a prompt review of Nintendo’s newest installment in the Legend of Zelda series, the Wii-exclusive Skyward Sword.
However, a break between playing and reviewing seemed necessary to me. Whether I gave myself the pause in the hopes that my opinion of said title might moderate with time, or whether I just needed to blot the game out of my mind for a while, I’m not sure I’ll ever know.
You have likely already picked up on the fact that I really didn’t like Skyward Sword.
So, this probably is not the time to mention that I didn’t finish the game.
I did put in 30 hours, which is a solid chunk of any video game. It gives me some reviewing cred, right? Also: I have been a huge fan of the Zelda series since I can remember. Wind Waker and Majora’s Mask both make my Favorite Games Ever list. Believe me when I say I would not hate on a Zelda game unless I thought the game a monstrous betrayal to its franchise.
Okay. I’m getting the vibe that I should, at this point, list five things I liked about the game in a vague sort of attempt to establish that I’m really an objective reviewer. Honest.
Five Wonderful Things about Skyward Sword
A Study Undertaken by Wol
1. Zelda. She’s actually a person. For, you know, the first hour of the game. But, that’s an improvement on her not being a person at all. Granted, she did way more as Tetra in Wind Waker or, even, as Sheik in Ocarina of Time, but at least the Zelda Team tried to make her a person in Skyward Sword.
Well, yes, so Zelda wasn’t exactly a wonderful thing about Skyward, but what about point 2:
2. Skyward Sword is cinematic. It has cut scenes. And dream sequences. Link has facial expressions. And romantic feelings. I mean, he still doesn’t have a personality or a voice, because he’s some sort of channel for the gamer’s self. But, who really cares about outmoded storytelling elements like personalities these days?
…And then I got beyond passive aggressive. Maybe I should just start my list of five bad things about Skyward Sword? We all know that’s where my mind is already:
Five God-Awful Things about Skyward Sword
A Study Undertaken by Wol
1. The Overworld. Hyrule at its best is large and lovely and full of random people, villages, shooting galleries, and potion shops. Skyward Sword has: one town, one pub, one Isle of Songs, 30+ chunks of floating rock, and three Mario-style themed stages. The world is big but devoid of content, linear, and unpeopled. Wind Waker was too sparse already, but Skyward Sword makes it look positively packed with content. We were not amused.
2. Motion Controls. On any other console besides Wii, sloppy controls are not tolerated. We can all think of that game which had that awkward camera or controller lag, and it simply ruined our experience. Maybe the story was great, or the action was thrilling, but we just couldn’t get immersed in it. Skyward Sword’s controls did not immerse. They just sucked. There’s no nice way to say it.
3. Length. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing, and there is certainly such a thing as too much of horrible thing. Let’s talk repetition. I nearly threw my Wiimote against the wall when I had to replay the Imprisoned boss, which had been my least favorite part of the game so far. Let’s talk fetch quests, shall we? … Actually, no. That’s still a little too close. Let’s talk
4. Graphics. I get that the graphics were supposed to be all oil-painty and artistic, and they looked intriguing on Youtube with 720p, but they just looked muddy and blah in-game. The graphics were just a very unhappy compromise between Twilight Princess and Wind Waker. Art direction should not be about compromises in the first place, anyway. Which, brings us to
5. The game. As a whole. That can be a thing I didn’t like about Skyward Sword, yes?
* * *
I wanted to like Skyward Sword. Really. I pre-ordered it and everything. I hoped Twilight Princess had just been a hiccup in the system and the Zelda Team would deliver something like Wind Waker or Majora’s Mask again. But, no. No.
Let’s just say, I still own Twilight Princess, but I traded Skyward Sword back a week after I bought it.
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